Monday, October 11, 2010


Somebody slow the spin of the world, I need to catch up! You know there was a reason that we fall back and have that extra hour....for people like me who need 25 hours in the day to get things done! Too bad it only comes once a year.

So I've had many moments where blogs have come into my head, but finding the time to put them on computer has been difficult. I'll be glad when Apple comes up with an Ipad that reads minds! But I had a chat with someone the other day who actually reads this blog and she really got me to thinking, and I promised her instead of keeping it my head, I'd write it down. She really got me thinking about the expectations of birth and the pressure that goes along with these.

Go with me on this thinking....there really is method to my madness.

One of my favourite movies, don't laugh, is Baby Boom with Diane Keaton. It came out in, I think, 1988 and in that movie, she's a high powered advertising executive who gets left with guardianship of this little girl who's probably about 14 months of age. Anyway, of course the initial funny part is seeing this non maternal woman dealing with this baby but in one scene she's sitting in the park one day playing in the sandbox and she overhears 3 mums talking about how upset one of the mum's was because her 3 year old didn't get into Dalton preschool. She asks the mums why was this important, and these mothers basically leave her with the impression that if she doesn't get Elizabeth (the little girl) going now on studying, she won't get into the good preschool, which means she won't get into a good school and her life is ruined. Naturally, wanting to do the right thing and feeling pressured, Diane Keaton's character enrolls Elizabeth right away into a special preschool program. The movie goes on from there, and while it was funny it was very true about societal expectations that are placed not only upon our kids, but also upon ourselves when birthing those kids. The pressure starts early to have perfections.
I wish I could promise perfection for everyone going through labour and birth. But like with kids.....they are who they are, and so too will be your birth experience. It took me nearly 10 years of my oldest son's life to realize he wasn't going to be the next Stephen Hawking, no matter how much I read to him, encouraged him, made him flashcards etc. He is what he is, and to me that's pretty near perfect. (Oh come on, I can't tell him he's perfect yet.....he's a man, what a burden I put on his future wife if I do! :)
The same applies to birth. There are so many things to read, so many methods to go by, so many expectations that you will walk, sit on a ball, do the bath or shower, try every position, hang upside down, have no drugs, and have a perfect birth, intact with no support. Sometimes you're lucky and your child really is the next Stephen Hawkings or Sidney Crobsy and all the tools you put at his/her disposal are used and bring about the perfect societal ending. And sometimes, you can use every tool available and the child simply becomes who they want to be, no matter how hard you bat your head against the wall. We are simply not all the same. That's a good thing. And just as no two people are alike, neither is any two births. Your birth may be different from your sister's, your friend's, the lady down the way. Not because you didn't try, but because everyone is different. In the end, as I do today, you look upon that child or that birth and think, well....maybe you're not exactly what I envisioned, but you are/were perfect to me.
So take off the pressure on yourself. Tell everyone to mind their own business. You, your baby and your partner (where there is one) are going to do it your way. Thank you for all the tools available, you're going to give them all a try, but if this baby decides that's not who they are, that's not how they will come to be, so be it! It is still ..... perfect.

1 comment:

  1. I am going to go out on a limb and say that it was Lori who posted this blog post :) Lori, you alreay know how much it meant to have you at my daughter's birth experience. This post made me cry, because it is so true, and I appreciate hearing it again (although I could do without what I am assuming are hockey references, haha). I look forward to following this blog while I begin my midwifery education! Lots of love, Nikki Jimenez